I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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