have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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