I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
