Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The best revenge is premature balding
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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