Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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