A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
