It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
