i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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