Where is the hickey?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
