my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
