That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
