Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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