I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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