where am i from again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
