I love black thongs
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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