Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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