Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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