That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
