Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
