We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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