We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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