im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
