you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
