Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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