Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
