i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize