So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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