We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
