I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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