you traded sex for a burrito?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
