Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
