I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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