don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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