Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
