I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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