.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
