there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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