Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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