I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
