I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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