can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All the doctor said was why
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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