problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.