A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher