you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.