I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize