I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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