Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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