im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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