My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
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It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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