everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
