I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
