Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
