I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
