OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
