fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she told me i tasted like america
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
