I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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