thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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