I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
