Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize