Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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