i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
