I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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