I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
