Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
