and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
