I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
